I am an avid defender of therapy and I believe everyone should give it a shot, but unfortunately for me, therapy was not for me and it might not be for you either.
A couple of years ago when I found myself in a really depressive state and no words to describe how I felt, I started playing with the idea of therapy, but because of how much I knew it cost, I stopped thinking about it, a couple of years later, someone recommended a counselor to me who was religious based. I was happy about this because as a Christian, I wanted the counseling to be rooted in my faith, so I went to this counselor.
This session went on for about an hour or so, and consisted of the counselor speaking for 55 minutes of the time and throwing scripture at me that I knew very well. I decided if it was scripture that was going to help me then I didn’t need a counselor after all, because I knew a lot of bible scriptures along with how to search for scripture based on how I was feeling. I never returned.
Fast forward to the age of betterhelp. As a notorious podcast listener, I heard all the ads about it coupled with my favorite youtubers testifying about how it has helped them. Yes, I know they were getting paid to say what they were saying but there are some that actually seemed genuine about their testimony. So I took the plunge. I did some budgeting and decided that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to invest in myself.
When I signed up for it, I noted my preferences, a woman of color, and religious. My understanding was that these were preferences and I was not limited to them. With the amount of counselors promised to be in their database, I figured finding someone who met these criterias wouldn’t be difficult.
As I explained earlier, I am religious, so it made sense to me to add that to my preference. I also wanted a woman of color because, sometimes, white women in the west lack the cultural nuance it takes to discuss the life of a woman of color.
The first counselor I was assigned to was a woman of color. She only wanted to do text messages which I didn’t find to be a problem because it was after all one of my preferences. Right off the bat, this counselor asked me what my problem was. I told her there was not a specific problem but I was feeling a bit low and it is lasting longer than expected, I didn’t really know the root cause. Her response to me was that if I didn’t have a problem then there is no reason for this session. I told her I was not sure exactly how this was supposed to go and so she could guide me. She responded 30 minutes after I sent the message, basically telling me she needed more from me to proceed. Mind you the session was an hour, and based on her timing, I only 10 minutes into the session after her response. I ended the session right away and requested for a new counselor.
My second counselor was a middle aged white man. I immediately requested for a new counselor.
The third counselor I selected myself because I liked her bio, and although she was not religious, I felt we would be a good fit. She declined to work with me stating that my preferences listed that I wanted a counselor who was religious. I wish she would have given me a chance to explain that it was a preference not a requirement.
My fourth counselor met all my preferences but she only wanted to do messages. This feature was messages between me and the counselor, inbox style not instant messaging style. It started off okay, but I realized she was messaging me once a day with like one to two sentences. Based on my experience with the first counselor, I decided to share more, so I was literally writing essays, but she was responding by reiterating what I would day in a few sentences, using therapy jargon. This went on for about a week, and I found her to be useless to me. I cancelled my membership.
My last experience was when I concluded that counseling was not for me. I have been hearing that everyone needs to go to counseling, I used to think the same but now I think differently now.
I went into therapy knowing that I was self-aware, so there was nothing new anyone could tell me, but I needed tools to handle certain things, and that was not the case. I think most therapists seek to diagnose you first and then offer “solutions,” but I was only there for the solution phase.
It is very possible that I didn’t give it enough time, but it is also very possible that I do not need therapy. I don’t think therapy is for everyone because some of us are capable of figuring things out for ourselves, and have the ability to put into words exactly what is happening to us, so talking it out with someone may not be necessary. I say this very cautiously as someone who may not have severe mental health issues. I do not think anyone should just decide on their own they do not need help when they are struggling with their mental health, it is important you seek help first. THEN, decide if that kind of help is for you or not.
Have you tried betterhelp or any form of therapy?
