Judging a book by the cover
The white letters on the blue background stand out. But I didn’t simply see the cover and want to read it. The Title of the book caught my attention.
Synopsis from goodreads.com
This debut novel by an Arab-American voice, takes us inside the lives of conservative Arab women living in America.
In Brooklyn, eighteen-year-old Deya is starting to meet with suitors. Though she doesn’t want to get married, her grandparents give her no choice. History is repeating itself: Deyas mother, Isra, also had no choice when she left Palestine as a teenager to marry …more
My thoughts
I enjoyed the style of the book, seeing three different generations express their thought and feelings concerning the same things.
Fareeda
I think when the book started, I had a strong dislike for Fareeda, but as we learned more about her, my heart softened towards her. Fareeda is the definition of hurt people hurt people. Growing up in a refugee camp, being displaced by the government, being abused by her husband and losing 2 children, that will take a toll on anyone. Fareeda learned certain things that she probably really believed was true and so applied to everything she did. She strongly believed a woman was less valuable than a man, she believed a woman was a man’s property, and just based on her actions, she condoned a woman getting beaten. I think the role of shame played a huge role in how Fareeda moved. For many cultures, even my own as a Ghanaian, it is far better to cover up things, endure, and suffer to conceal things that will bring shame upon the family. Reputation is indeed everything for many of us and in most cases, people will do everything to protect it.
Isra
My heart broke for Isra over and over again. I always say this, the worst thing is doing the “right thing” and not seeing the payoff, and even worse, being “punished” for it. Isra knew the Palestinian culture very well, she understood her place as woman, she knew to be quiet, to serve, basically to be a doormat to her husband and family. But still in the end, she was the one that suffered most. From the very beginning of the book, I knew Isra had all girls, but that didn’t stop me from wanting a boy for her anytime she was pregnant. To be punished for not having control over a situation such as the gender of the child you give birth to seem so inhumane, but very common. I know in many cultures, you might as well not be a woman if you can’t have any boys that will carry on the family name.
Many people might not agree, but I also empathized with Adam. Adam carried the burden of the entire family on his shoulders. He was responsible for everyone yet he was the one who was not shown love or appreciation. On top of that, he did not have any male children. In a culture where as the eldest you have a duty to take care of everyone, you almost do it without complaining but deep down you suffer. I don’t think Adam was a bad person per se, I think Isra was the only one he could exercise some kind of authority over. He was essentially bullied by the family, his mom especially, but for the sake of culture and duty, he couldn’t speak up or walk away. So Isra felt his wrath. I think without that the influence of his mother and culture, he and Isra would have had a decent marriage.
Deya chasing the story of her past was of no interest to me because it created a lot of repetitiveness. I think her part was just to show how tradition can carry out but also how it takes one person to change the trajectory of certain family beliefs. I think the author prolonged the truth finding bit or maybe I am just an impatient reader. I found myself wanting to skim through Deya’s chapters.
What troubled me a bit is this whole idea of women only making a change when their children are involved. I am not a mother, so I may not know the lengths of how having a child will motivate you to change things drastically for their sake. But I find it problematic that many women can’t find the same love within themselves to make a change. Isra was getting beaten long before she had her last child, but it wasn’t until it finally settled in that her children might experience similar abuse that she decided to run away. I just wonder why she didn’t have the vim to run away when she only considered herself. Why can’t the value placed in the children be the same placed in self? But then again I am not a mother, so what do I know.
The criticism for the book that I’ve noticed was how there was abuse page after page and the author did not even try to create any depth regarding that. There was a simplicity in the delivery that many people found mediocre. I personally was not focused on that. I think with a message like this, misogyny in the Arab culture, straight forward is the best policy. I don’t think it is necessary to color the pages with unnecessary thoughts and ideas in an attempt to display how much of a good writer one is.
I loved the way the book ended because it caused you to think of how Isra died. I was a bit confused because it appeared Isra was able to run away but then also she was killed by Adam in their home. My thoughts on what happened is that, when Isra was running away under the disguise of going to the park, she ran into Adam and Adam probably knew what she was trying to do, that is why he beat her to death.
Overall I enjoyed the book.
This is by the way. There was over emphasis on the love of books and the importance of books. I learned that the author Etaf Rum is a bookstagrammer and so I wonder if she was sharing a bit about herself through these pages. I don’t know much about her but it seems her love for books penetrated through these pages.
Does the title fit the book?
I thought it was going to be a book about feminism. Like, a woman is no man, she is better! type of deal, so I was surprised to find out the title was literally what the book was about. How we differentiate between men and women and truly a woman is no man. They will always have the upper hand, more freedom, more everything.
Quotes that stood out to me
“It’s the loneliest people who love books the most.”
